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Sometimes secrets hurt...

Saturday, October 9, 2004

1:18AM - Whatever and ever, amen

This is my last entry. As you people who read my journal have noticed (or not) I deleted all my friends. Livejournal screws you over. Everything I've ever written in here was meant to be semi-private, even if the public can read it (which isn't even true, considering it was friends-only, I guess I should be more careful on who my friends are). So far this year, I've learned a lot. For one thing, all the people I have a problem with are Freshmen. And almost all of these problems are maturity issues. For example, rumors, making fun of people, and basically just attention whores. I don't know the reasons why they do this, but I have lots of theories. Philosophy is something I vaguely understand, having done Asher's AP psychology homework on multiple occasions. My mom said it was because people need to talk about other people to try and impress their peers. She also said jealosy was a factor. Personally, I am still sticking to the maturity thing. I can understand someone having concerns for another person, but what I can't understand is that if you honestly care so much, why do you make fun of them to others behind their back? Even to their face, it's degrading and embarrassing. I've already made it clear to everyone that I don't like being the object of anyone's conversation, and that goes for all of my friends, as well. This could have all been avoided if any of my so called friends would have confronted me. That whole posse thought I was mad at them. Did they once confront me? No. I understand that school is a socialization. But I don't partake in that particular endeavor. I make it tolerable, but that is it. I don't care what anyone else does in school and how they want their experiance to be, just as long as I am not included in that. The past three days has been hell for me. Never once, did any of these people consider that. And that's what I stress to you the most. Change. Grow up, and please..I know you're all not that naive. You're capable of acting like a decent human being. But just think what the results are of your actions. Never, have I been so alone. And all for what. I suffered at the expense of a few jokes on something that is very serious anyway, so therefore the situation was even worse. I've made mistakes like that before, so I understand. I'm not angry. Just frustrated at how long it takes for it to sink in. Heh. Kids these days.

Current mood: disappointed

Monday, September 6, 2004

2:19PM

So yeah. First picture on first post should say Friends Only. But it doesn't. Maybe my computer is just fucked. Well. It's Friends only. Yeah. Did I mention that I'm a cannibal. That, and an attention whore. Really, I'm just a whore. If you couldn't tell, I don't really want to be your friend. Please go away.

Current mood: lazy

11:13AM - Motivate me...some stupid lyric....blah blah..ble ble!

Saturday I was sick, so I just basically bummed all day. I guess Jimmy was kind of mad because I said something about hanging out with him, and I didn't...even though I never really made definate plans. Then, yesterday, his mom was being a psycho so he couldn't even come over and he was pissed about that. Later on that night I went to see Napoleon Dynamite with Bailey and Steve. It was incredibly awkward because Steve likes me and he kept flirting with me. Like, desperately likes me. It's really quite strange and it got annoying after awhile. He knows I am with Jimmy yet he insisted on trying to pursue it. I was like, "Simma down!" I shoulda just slapped him. To make matters worse, I had a pretty bad fight with Jimmy afterwards. I was in a bitchy mood as it was, and so was he, so yeah. It ended up okay, though. Then today he came over. Only to leave again. And then to come back over...his mom's a psycho. Then he left me while we were walking the dog. He wanted to go home but I started crying so I made him feel bad. Oh man. The drama is deafening. I put up with so much shit it's not even cool. Gah. Maybe I should just be gay..with Bailey ;) Tomorrow I'm going to Jimmy's. So yes, this update was not intended to be so trivial, but that's what you get when you read a 14 year old's journal. Deal.

Current mood: discontent

Monday, July 12, 2004

5:58AM - Oodles of desperation

Current mood: determined